new year's resolution

To focus on the children who are far behind and get them where they need to be. To not give up on the difficult ones. To make sure they know every day that they are loved.

the future?

Everything is starting to get uncertain.

I have been 100% positive I will not teach at my school next year, but pretty sure I would live in Philly and pretty sure I would continue to teach in the school district.

Now the idea that I don't have to keep teaching is starting to feel like the most fantastic feeling in the world. Maybe it's not for me. I'm already completely burned out. I don't feel like a good teacher. What else can I do?

That's another thing. I don't know what I'm good at. Or where I want to be. I am getting a bigger headache thinking about it though, that's for sure. So I'll stop. Goodnight!

a.i.'s triumphant return to philly

We love Allen Iverson.

The Sixers had a sold out crowd tonight, A.I.'s first game back in Philadelphia, and even though Chauncy Billups and the Denver Nuggets pulled ahead and won the game, I think that Iverson should be happy he's back home, because we love him.

Seriously, whenever he was in or out of the game, an assist or a free throw, or his face was zoomed in on the jumbotron, everyone went crazy. He kissed the court at the beginning of the game and I had chills. I don't even have ties to him. I just like him cause my city does.

It's nice to see Philly all ban together and be excited!

Here's a video of a press conference with A.I. about him missing practice back when he played for the Sixers the first time. It's epic. He's so angry and says "practice" at least 20 times. Enjoy!

did you know?

Did you know that I love Lady GaGa?

For Christmas, I got my roommates and myself plus one other close friend tickets to go to Lady GaGa's Monster Ball show.

If you live under a rock, Lady GaGa is as well known for her songs ("Poker Face," "Just Dance," "Lovegame," "Paparazzi," and "Bad Romance" have all been or currently are radio hits) as for her wild outfits and performances. She never wears pants - pretty much exclusively leotards. At the MTV VMAs, she wore several different outfits, including one made of red lace that completely covered her face, a giant couture neck brace, and an eskimo hat-thing. She also started "bleeding" and hung herself on stage when she performed (please watch above but brace yourself for the weird.) She is a performance artist, she is the hottest thing in pop right now, and she also happens to actually have a great voice. Her show was crazy... she didn't actually do anything terrifyingly weird - just choreographed a wild, entertaining, fantastic show. With real vocals!

My favorite thing she said was that if there was another world war, her fans would be dancing and singing and "throwing glitter into the air."



VMA performance

Rocking the long blonde wig with the giant hair-bow. Love it.

in the interest of full disclosure

I don't want to make this a complaining blog, which I've said before.

I strongly believe in the students I have. I strongly believe that there is a huge injustice going on in our country and that educational equity is a huge problem all over.

I strongly believe that within education, there is a systemic oppression that is keeping my kids marginalized and that even though they are the ones pissing me off day after day, it isn't their fault. And that's even more frustrating.

There are great teachers and potentially great teachers who are quickly burning out at struggling, underfunded schools who are bailing on kids who never had a fighting chance.

That's frustrating. And I'm one of them. I have had a headache the size of Texas for the past three days that I can't seem to get to subside. I'm worn out and running out of ideas. I am just trying to keep my head above water a lot of the day, and that's a horrible feeling.

But I can't give up, because if I do, I am giving up on kids. On humans. On real people who don't deserve to be given up on.

What if someone had given up on you? Where would you be? Maybe they have, and you can relate more to my students than to me. But I was always encouraged, always pushed, always had someone behind me. Even now... So I have to be that for them.

Can you tell I need winter break, and fast?

looking for a pick me up?

If you need to smile, I would suggest checking out 1000 Awesome Things. The writer has been counting down from 1000 and has gotten to the 600s - each thing a blog post about something, well, awesome.

Some of my favorites today:
#943 Using Q-tips the way you're not supposed to use them.
#936 Perfect parallel parking on the first try.

The fun doesn't end with this site - I find myself agreeing with most all of them. Enjoy!

off the charts

It's been awhile since I've posted.. all hell has broken loose at my school and I think I'm too tired to recap my days. It's a shame, because they are novel-worthy. I have a best seller in my brain. Actually, I have a friend who writes down all the incidents that happen at school and plans to publish someday, and I have got to beat him to it.

I wanted to share something small that is encouraging. I had a student last year who I probably wrote about a lot. We will call her Sally. Sally was a fighter and all around pain in my butt. Honestly, she spent most of her time suspended and I preferred it that way. When she was in class, she cartwheeled during benchmark tests, refused to complete a single assignment, and beat people up. She was one student who I could never gauge, never reach. She didn't like one on one time with me. In fact, she seemed to dislike everything about me. It was endlessly frustrating.

Anyway, it was a relief not to have to teach her anymore. I felt like I had failed her more than most.

This year, Sally comes to visit me all the time. In fact, whenever I stay after school, she stays with me to help. Yesterday she stayed for an hour just cleaning up my closets, and then sat and quizzed her cousin, a low performing student in my class, with sight words.

She has changed a little. Who knows what she is like in her class, but she has softened toward me and regardless of her test scores, that's huge.